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The Emotional Rollercoaster: Why Managing Your Emotions at Work Isn't Just About "Being Professional"
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Here's something that'll make you uncomfortable: most of us are emotional toddlers dressed up in business attire. And after 18 years helping executives navigate their feelings (yes, feelings - get over it), I can tell you that the biggest myth in Australian workplaces is that emotions and professionalism are mutually exclusive.
That's complete garbage.
Last month, I watched a senior manager at a major mining company in Perth literally storm out of a board meeting because someone questioned his quarterly projections. This bloke earns more than most people see in five years, manages a team of 40, and yet he couldn't handle basic criticism without having a tantrum. The kicker? He came back an hour later and pretended nothing happened.
We need to talk about this stuff properly.
The Emotional Intelligence Gap That's Costing Us Millions
Every workplace has that person - you know, the one who sends passive-aggressive emails at 11 PM, micromanages when they're stressed, or goes dead silent when things don't go their way. What we don't talk about enough is that person might be you. Hell, it's definitely been me.
I used to think emotional intelligence was just another corporate buzzword until I watched my own career nearly implode because I couldn't separate my ego from my work. Here's what happened: I was running a consulting project for a tech startup in Melbourne, everything was going smoothly until the client started pushing back on recommendations I'd spent weeks developing. Instead of listening, I got defensive. Instead of adapting, I doubled down. Instead of managing my emotions, I let them manage me.
The project was a disaster. Not because my recommendations were wrong, but because I couldn't handle being challenged.
That was 2019. Best learning experience of my life, honestly.
Why "Leave Your Emotions at Home" is Terrible Advice
This idea that we should be emotionless robots at work is not just unrealistic - it's counterproductive. Emotions aren't the enemy. Unmanaged emotions are the enemy.
Take anger, for instance. Everyone acts like anger is inherently negative, but anger often signals that something important is at stake. The problem isn't feeling angry when a colleague takes credit for your work or when management makes promises they can't keep. The problem is what you do with that anger.
Do you snap at your team? Send a scathing email? Gossip in the break room? Or do you pause, identify what's really bothering you, and address it constructively?
Microsoft Australia figured this out years ago. They actually encourage their employees to express concerns and frustrations through structured feedback channels rather than pretending everything's fine. The result? Higher employee satisfaction and better retention rates. Smart.
The Three Types of Emotional Hijacking at Work
The Stress Spiral This is when small pressures accumulate until you're overwhelmed by everything. You know you're in a stress spiral when you start snapping at people who don't deserve it, when every email feels urgent, and when you can't seem to prioritise anything because everything feels critical.
The Ego Defence This happens when someone challenges your competence, decisions, or ideas. Your brain interprets it as a personal attack rather than professional feedback. Classic signs: you start preparing rebuttals before they finish talking, you take feedback as criticism of your character, or you start avoiding people who question your approach.
The Control Freak Meltdown When circumstances beyond your control threaten your sense of stability, you compensate by becoming unnecessarily controlling about things you can influence. Suddenly, you're obsessing over email formatting or micromanaging tasks you'd normally delegate.
I've done all three. Multiple times.
What Actually Works (And What Doesn't)
Here's what doesn't work: deep breathing exercises in the middle of a heated meeting, positive affirmations when you're genuinely angry, or pretending you're not feeling what you're feeling.
Here's what does work:
Emotional Labelling Instead of saying "I'm stressed," get specific. Are you anxious about the deadline? Frustrated with the client's changing requirements? Overwhelmed by the workload? Different emotions require different responses.
The 24-Hour Rule Before responding to anything that triggers a strong emotional reaction, wait 24 hours if possible. This isn't about suppressing emotions - it's about responding rather than reacting.
Boundary Setting This is where most people get it wrong. Boundaries aren't about being cold or distant. They're about being clear on what you will and won't tolerate, and communicating that professionally.
A colleague in Adelaide taught me this one: "I notice I'm getting defensive right now, so I'm going to take a step back and come back to this conversation tomorrow with fresh perspective." Brilliant.
The Australian Context: Why We're Particularly Bad at This
We have this cultural thing about not being "precious" or "soft." We pride ourselves on being direct, no-nonsense, and resilient. Which is fine, except when it prevents us from acknowledging that emotions are part of being human.
I've worked with tradies who think talking about feelings is "woke nonsense" and CEOs who believe emotional intelligence is just an excuse for poor performance. Both are missing the point entirely.
The most successful leaders I know - from construction company owners in Brisbane to tech entrepreneurs in Sydney - understand that emotions provide valuable information. They don't ignore them or suppress them. They use them.
The Inconvenient Truth About Emotional Contagion
Your emotions affect everyone around you whether you acknowledge it or not. When you're stressed, your team becomes stressed. When you're frustrated, your colleagues start walking on eggshells. When you're excited about a project, others get energised too.
This isn't touchy-feely psychology - it's basic neuroscience. Mirror neurons mean we literally pick up on each other's emotional states. Ever notice how one person's bad mood can shift the entire office atmosphere? That's emotional contagion in action.
The implication is significant: managing your emotions isn't just about your own wellbeing and performance. It's about your impact on everyone around you.
Practical Strategies That Don't Require a Psychology Degree
The Emotion-Logic Bridge When you feel something strongly, ask yourself: "What is this emotion telling me that might be useful?" Fear might be highlighting a genuine risk. Frustration might be pointing to an inefficient process. Excitement might be indicating an opportunity worth pursuing.
The Professional Translation Learn to translate emotions into professional language. Instead of "This is driving me crazy," try "I'm concerned about the impact this will have on our timeline." Instead of "I hate working with this client," try "I think we need to clarify expectations to improve this working relationship."
The Energy Audit Pay attention to what situations, people, and tasks drain your emotional energy versus what replenishes it. This isn't about avoiding challenging work - it's about understanding your patterns so you can manage them better.
When Emotional Management Goes Wrong
The biggest mistake I see people make is overcorrecting. They go from being emotionally reactive to being emotionally numb. That's not management - that's suppression, and it doesn't work long-term.
I had a client - senior executive at a logistics company - who was so determined not to let emotions influence his decisions that he became robotic. His team stopped bringing him problems because they couldn't read his reactions. Innovation dropped. Morale plummeted. He'd solved one problem and created five others.
The goal isn't to eliminate emotions. It's to respond to them skillfully.
The Bottom Line
Managing emotions at work isn't about becoming a zen master or attending weekly therapy sessions. It's about recognising that emotions contain information, and learning to extract that information without letting the emotions hijack your professional behaviour.
After nearly two decades in this space, I'm convinced that emotional intelligence is the differentiator between good professionals and great ones. Not because emotions make you weak, but because understanding them makes you strategic.
Your emotions will show up at work whether you acknowledge them or not. The question is: will you manage them, or will they manage you?
The choice, as they say, is entirely yours.
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